What if I die now?

I am having fever for the past few days. Whenever I am ill, I feel I am going to die. What if I die now? The though invariably creeps in. When I ponder over this thought the following feelings emerge

Family

I want to spend more time with my family, especially my mother. Most of my family memories are weaved around my mother. For majority of the times it was just me and my mother together as a family. I want to spend more time with her.

Travel

If I am to die now, I will repent not visiting so many wonderful places in the world. I love travelling. My school hardly arranged any excursions. My parents disliked all the good things of life, including travelling. That made me hanker more for travelling. The travel bug bit me for good. I am a traveller and not a tourist. I plan my own itinerary and my travels are more than visiting those tourist spots which you just tick on the list so that you can boast of visiting them at social gatherings. I want to travel more.

 

Read

Now all of you know that I am a book worm, don’t you? But still my apetite for reading is not satiated. There are so many books to read, before I die. They take me to a different world all together. I thank my parents for never opposing me when I purchased books, even if they were expensive. Indeed as a loner books were and are my best friends.

Not taking life so seriously

If I were to die now I feel that I should not have taken life so seriously. I should not have taken those disappointments to my heart. I should not have had sleepless nights for those people, whose behaviour was not in control. I should not have worried about that pay cheque which was not deposited in my account for technical reasons. I should not have worried about my health. I should not have worried for my accommodation. For life itself is precious. All other things do not matter at all.

Now I am feeling better. I know that I am going to have a very long life. But these musings about if I were to die now will definitely add more meaning to my life. What say?

Anger Management

I had accompanied a friend to an office for his work. He had assured me that it would not take more than five minutes. I was checking my watch. Five, ten, thirty minutes had passed, but he was not out. I was becoming restless. He came out after good 150 minutes. I was furious. “ Do you realize that you made me wait for more than two hours? You had told me that it is matter of just five minutes?” I asked him as I was fuming.
Suddenly a smile broke on my face. I was happy for I had been angry after so many years. I thanked him for making me angry. I was going through a very bad phase of life then. I had begun to meekly accept all the situations, all the people who came my way, without being angry on them. Today suddenly this anger emerged out of me. I was happy as I was still alive and my heart was still beating. Anger is a natural quality of humans. Its absence had made me feel like I was dead all those years. I felt like I was out of my grave. We had a party that evening for I had become angry for all those years. Though it may sound odd, it is true.
If anger is a human trait, why are so many people in this world doing all sorts of stuff to control it. They read religious scriptures, attend workshops just to control this human characteristic. Can you control your anger? This question is never posed as all of us believe that yes we can. If you ask me this question my answer would be no. You cannot control your anger. You can only manage it. Just like you cannot control a disaster, you can only manage it.
Why does a person get angry? Let us just try to find out the answer to this question. Close your eyes for few seconds and remember the moment when you were angry. What was the reason for your anger – your spouse did not wear the dress you wanted her to wear, your child did not score good scores in his examination, your boss did not give you the pay hike that you deserved or just as silly as someone was playing loud music and did not listen to your request of switching it off. Now if you rethink over these situations you would certainly agree that the reasons were really silly. If today these situations arise you would react in a different manner. But then if you have this knowledge why did you get angry at first instance. The reason for your anger was not that dress of your spouse, not that bad scores of your child, the act of your boss of your boss of not giving you the payhike or the loud music. The reason for your anger was that the other person did not act according to your wish. Think over it!
Now again think of all those moments that made you angry. Again consider the reasons for your anger. Now for the entire next week whenever you get angry, you just try to find out the reasons for your anger, until I am back with the next part of this topic.
Keep Smiling
Mahesh Sowani
PS Let me know if you agree with me or disagree, but with reasons. If you have any personal queries relating to the subject feel free to ask the same. I would try to resolve the same.