Free Bird Part 8

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That night Sneha tossed and turned in the bed. Rupa's innocent question had quivered her mind. Was she really happy in life? She asked herself. She had a comfortable house to stay, a loving father and a job that paid decent salary. She wasn't unhappy for sure. But did that mean that she was happy. The answer seemed to be elusive.

What would make her happy? A job of probationary officer in a nationalized bank. Umm, Sneha was quite unsure about it as well. She wanted to scale the snow clad mountains and ride motorbike on the world's highest motorable road in Ladakh. She wanted to undertake Narmada parikrama and circumambulate around the river on foot which would take at least four months. She wanted to fly to Bhutan and meditate in one of those pristine monasteries seated on the edge of the cliff. She wanted to go to Paris and visit Louvre museum. Desires, never ending desires. Neither did Sneha have time nor the resources to fulfill all her dreams. But did that mean that she had no right to dream at all?

Unable to sleep, Sneha pulled her duvet aside and was startled to see her father standing in front of her.

'What happened? Did I scare you? I got a gut feeling that something is wrong with you. So had come to check upon you.'

'Everything is fine Papa. Just wanted some water.'

'Are you sure?'

'Yes, absolutely.' Sneha replied.

Sneha got out of the bed and went to the kitchen. She poured some water into the glass and sat on the chair across the dining table. She had a few sips. Then on a impulse she went to the terrace. There was a platform at the centre of the terrace. It was covered with a tastefully done canopy. There were two cane chairs and a table under the canopy.

Sneha saw her father sitting there. She went and occupied the other chair. Sneha had numerous memories weaved around this terrace. She had spent many nights on this terrace with her father and Sandeep gazing the stars. But now the stars were gone. Dark, black clouds swarmed the sky.

'The stars have faded.' Sneha said.

'Stars temporarily hide behind the sky. They don't fade.' Her father said gently pressing her hand.

'Papa, as a child I had so many dreams. I will become a doctor. I will become an actor. I will do this. I will do that. I will be rich and famous. I grew up, became mature, in the words of the world. I simply didn't realize when my dreams, my desires, my aspirations one by one slipped from mind. I accepted this mundane life as true. I am feeling disappointed Papa. I am a failure. I didn't even pass the bank exam.' Sneha released her hand, covered her face and cried.

'Sneha, there is no harm in trying. Still, you have time. The age is on your side. Nothing is lost.'

'I have been trying Papa for two years.'

'But you are expecting immediate results. Just keep doing what you want to do.'

'The truth is I don't know what I want.'

'Then ponder over it. Take a pen and a paper, and write your thoughts. Again, don't expect immediate results. Keep pouring your mind on the paper and you will surely get the answers. And one more thing don't think it is bad to feel low at times. Everyone feels the same way at some point of time. Take rest, listen to your favourite music, let this phase pass and then make any decisions. No point in taking any decisions in this mental state.'

'Thanks Papa.' Sneha said and hugged her father. 
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