Years
come and go. But 2018 was a very important year in my life. My mantra
for the year was not
to be harsh on myself.
I reaped the benefits of this attitude.
Maintaining
a daily journal has been a part of many of my new year resolutions.
My cupboard is full of diaries, with a few entries for the month of
January. All the following months were blank. In latter years I used
those diaries, but just as notebooks. I wrote besides the years which
were now a part of the past. At the beginning of the 2018 I again
resolved to maintain a journal. But this time there was a change in
my attitude. Here is an entry from my journal dated 9th
January 2018.
Another
year, another diary. Like you all I have many diaries of the years
gone by, meticulously written for some days and then the pages were
all blank. I utilized those pages after a few years, only as pages of
a notebook and not a diary.
But
this time around there is change in my outlook. I am relaxed. I am
composed. I am not going to be harsh on myself. It is alright if I
don’t write for a few days. It is fine if what I write is crap and
doesn’t sell. I like the way I am. Believe me this has lifted
tonnes off weight (of expectations and self pity) from my chest.
With
this attitude I maintained the journal. I didn’t write everyday.
There
are many pages blank in the diary. But still I wrote far more than
what I had written in all these years. I received an acceptance from
myself. It sounds so weird but it is true. We don’t accept
ourselves the way we are. We keep on finding our own faults and
demeaning ourselves.
Here
is another entry from my diary
6th
February 2018
So
much of protocol, rules of behaviour and etiquettes taught to me by
my parents and teachers, some times directly, some times indirectly.
I followed them scrupulously. But today I realize the burly pressure
and tension that it built within me. In retrospect I feel that I
should have been more flexible, for these etiquettes are for us and
not the other way round.
You
can do your best while staying relaxed. Moreover no matter how much
you go by the book, there is no guarantee that the to her person will
be pleased by your behaviour. There is no assurance that the outcomes
will be as expected by you either. So what’s the point in being
steadfast with regard to anything? Why not stay relaxed and do your
best.
Hence
forth no worrying about manners and etiquettes.
When
I stopped exerting unwanted mental pressure on myself a wonderful
thing happened. Things started falling place on their own. I became
more productive. My relationships, including the one which I have
with myself, improved. I became relaxed. Hope that you too stop being
harsh on yourself.