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Wednesday, 29 April 2020

Your past haunts you

That day I was convinced of how bad my choice was. Meeting of the eyes, the heart skipping a beat are all signs of love at first sight. The heart knows it all. At the same time, it is equally true that the heart makes bad choices as well. I wondered at what my plight would have been, had I been married to Satish.

Satish ensured that I reached home safely after the incident. He had almost threatened me, when he had said, ‘Don’t tell about it to anyone.’ I had just nodded my head in fear. That day I resolved that I would have nothing to do with Satish. He was a nightmare, which I wanted to forget. He was a thing of the past now.

I told my parents that I was ready to get married. My father was relieved. My mother said, ‘Hadn’t I told you before. Our sanskars won’t go in vain.’ Soon my parents started looking for a groom. Even I wanted to get married at the earliest. I felt a new person, a new life would help me to detach myself from a chance murder that I had encountered.

Then I got your proposal. There was nothing to disapprove of. We liked each other, and got married. I am speaking the truth when I am saying that I gave hundred per cent to this marriage. I wanted to be an ideal wife, the way my mother was. But I failed in one department. I couldn’t become a mother. After some time, we accepted the fact that we were going to be a childless couple. No matter how educated and independent a woman is, ours is a society where her inability to produce a heir, is publicly discussed and looked down upon. I was no exception to it.

Until then I was a rational. I brushed aside the theory of karma as non-sense on the stilts. But at that point I wondered if my state of childlessness was linked to my past. I had been a part of the sin. Even I had no active involvement in its commission, I had certainly aided in its concealment. Yes, I was scared, but I could have informed the police after sometime at least. But I didn’t. Neither did the police reach me. The murder was concealed from the law. But there is yet another law which governs the past and future of us mortals and no matter how much I wanted to disbelieve it, kept on staring at me, mocking at me.

Many years passed and one fine day I received a friend request on facebook from Satish. My first reaction was to decline it. Yet, for some strange reasons I kept it pending for a week. Unsure, whether I should accept it or not. Everyday, I would open it and stare at the screen. Should I accept or not. Satish had messaged me saying that he had something important to discuss with me. I wondered what it could be. After much deliberation I finally accepted his friend request.

‘Thank you,’ was what the first message that I received from Satish after I accepted his friend request. After casual banter Satish came straight to the point. He apologized for embroiling me in a mess. ‘It was not about you. It was just a case of bad timing. I was left with no other alternative,’ He said.
His life had been tragic. He had lost his parents and could no longer live alone in the big mansion. So, he shifted to a small place in the city of Kolhapur. He believed a change of place would make him feel better. But misfortune was on his prowl. He suffered heavy losses in his business. The girl whom he married, eloped.  He was devastated and had taken to drugs and alcohol.

One day when he entered his house after a heavy drink, he found a lady dressed in white waiting for him. He thought it was the alcohol that had reach his head was creating all the shapes. The lady didn’t speak a word. But she kept on weeping. He sighted the lady a couple of times more, and got an opportunity to study her face closely. She was the same woman – Abhaya, whom he had killed.

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